Wednesday, 30 April 2008

In which Ms Heathen feels sorry for herself (it may well be the meno.pur talking)

I am now on Day 4 of the meno.pur injections, Mr H is still in Rome, and the cat is ill.

I started the nafa.relin nasal spray on Saturday, and the meno.pur injections on Sunday. Because I am taking such a high dose of the meno.pur, the nurse at the Great Big Infertility Clinic recommended that I do two separate injections - each with three vials of powder diluted in one ampoule of solvent. If I did a single injection containing all six vials of powder, I ran the risk of boils at the injection site, she explained. Superstitiously, I aim one injection in the general direction of each ovary. The increased dose does seem to be bringing with it increased side effects - nausea, an angry rash at the injection site, and tenderness in my abdomen (not ovulation pain, more a feeling of soreness), but only time will tell if it also results in more follicles.

Mr H phoned yesterday afternoon to say that the new firm was asking him to commit for a minimum of three years. How did I feel about that? I explained once again that I was concerned about how it would affect our relationship, particularly our plans for a family. He said that he would talk things over again with his new boss. When he rang back again, he said that he had told his boss that we were currently undergoing fertility treatment, and that we were very much hoping to have a baby. His boss had reassured him that family was the most important thing, and that, providing he gave them notice, his schedule could be adjusted to fit around treatments.

As several of you said in your comments, a potential move down south may well bring new opportunities. I've felt for some time that, once I've submitted my thesis, I would like to make a clean break from the Shit Hot Critical Theory Department. The Shit Hot Critical Theory Department seems to be full of recently qualified PhDs, who hang around like dogs at dinner time fighting over any scraps of teaching that are handed out, hoping against hope that they will be offered a permanent contract. The longer they stay, the more bitter they become. I'd far rather submit, and move on to somewhere where I may be seen as an academic in my own right, rather than 'Professor So-and-So's student'. A move down south would take me closer not only to a number of other universities, but also to the major museums and galleries, which would open up a whole range of new career opportunities. As shinejil says, it would also mean that I could look for a more responsive clinic. I also quite liked Luna's suggestion that I could possibly accompany Mr H on some of his trips so that we can keep trying naturally - but knowing my luck, I wouldn't get to go to Paris or Rome, but would probably end up trying to plan a romantic tryst in a Travel Lodge somewhere near Milton Keynes!

The decision has now been made, for better or worse: we talked it through again yesterday afternoon, and came to the conclusion that Mr H should take the job. He has now signed the contract, and is flying home later this afternoon.

Amongst everything else, the cat is ill. She seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time in her litter box, but doesn't appear to be peeing. I'm assuming that she may have a urinary infection, and so have booked an appointment at the vet's later on today. She is currently asleep in a small patch of sun at the end of the bed, unaware of the trauma that awaits!


annacyclopedia said...

Hoorah for decisions being made! It sounds like quite a good one, really, especially if Mr H's new employers are willing to be somewhat flexible. And fresh, new opportunities for you sound really good as well. I veered off the path of academia quite early, but I understand what you mean about the dog fighting and the bitterness. Best avoided, if possible. And you sound far too clever to be stuck in that sort of situation anyway - it would be a terrible waste!

Hope you're feeling good about the decision. When does Mr H start with the new firm?

shinejil said...

Yippee! Your department sounds very icky and soul crushing; better to seek your fortune elsewhere.

It's good that Mr. H was able to be open about your treatment plans with the new bosses.

I hope your kitty feels better soon and that the vet gets to the bottom of the problem quickly.

kate said...

I'm so sorry your kitty is sick. But I'm very happy for you and your husband with the new opportunities that his job affords.
I definitely agree with finding a department where you can shine on your own merits. I watched H tough it out in a department where people liked him less because he was Hans' student, and they didn't like Hans. They only began liking him more when he branched out into learning and teaching Dutch (in addition to the various low and high German and regionalects that he was studying) and thus became Pascale's student, too (uh, because everyone liked Pascale more than Hans).

Anyway, it just tore him apart because his advisor, and the one he really really liked and respected, was someone with whom he had to very carefully align himself, so as not to piss off other people. If he had not been so far along in his research, he probably would have moved to a different university.
So, yeah. My totally unsolicited advice is that if the opportunity is presenting itself to you for other reasons, then you at least should explore a change in academic scenery.

jp said...

I smiled when I read you "superstitiously" aim one injection at each ovary! I do that too, and one of my early acupuncturist even advised me to do it. Hoping it brings you great results.
Also hope your cat is okay and it is nothing serious...

Malloryn said...

It's great that Mr. H was able to be open with his employers. I hope that you're able to find some better opportunities when you have more institutions to choose from. The possibility of having different clinics to go to is a good one as well.

I hope that your cat is feeling better soon.

luna said...

congratulations are mr. h's new job! I'm so glad it seems they are open to flexibility, and that he could be honest and feel supported. when will you move?

sounds like you may need a better work/academic environment too. maybe the move will open up a while new world for you. and yes, you can find a good clinic too, without dr. abrupt and dr. knowitall (are they the same?)

hope your kitty feels better soon too. ~luna

Lisa Rullsenberg said...

Getting away from the Shit Hot Critical Theory Department could be the making of you: you know how I feel about that place. There's always a time to move on; the move may be the new impetus needed for that.

It's great that the new employers of Mr H sound positive and empathetic. let's keep them that way. I don't doubt for a minute that Mr H will work his butt off for them, so if they can also be flexible that's brilliant.

Hope the injections go well - thinking of you lots - and so cuddles to you (and not just your poorly pusscat).

thinking of you all

Kim said...

Mr. H's new job sounds terrific - although it will certainly be an adjustment at first. Mr. Kim and I have a similarly close relationship, but when he was going to meetings ever year for weeks on end I would find some positive aspects of the travel. I invited my mom to come visit, spent time with friends I didn't have much time for otherwise.

Sorry to hear about your kitty. We've had 2 friends' kitties with similar problems lately. Both had to do with kidney stones I believe.

I hope that you find a great position that is also flexible and family-friendly!