Out here in the blogosphere, all we have is words. And yet there are times when that doesn't seem nearly enough.
At the weekend, Mr H came into my study and found me in tears. What was wrong, he asked. I explained that I had just found out that Luna had received a negative from her final cycle. Luna has been through so much over the past six years, she has been so generous in her support of others in the blogosphere, and this FET was her last chance for a baby. I had been hoping and willing with every ounce of my being that this cycle would work for her. Mr H could not understand why I was so upset. 'But you've never even met this woman,' he reminded me, gently. 'You live on opposite sides of the Atlantic. You very probably don't even know each other's real names.'
Mr H is, of course, right. I have never met Luna, or indeed any of my other blogging friends. And yet I feel a deep connection with you. In many cases, we have shared interests that extend beyond the common thread of infertility - we would, I like to imagine, get on well if we were to meet in Real Life.
You have all been a tremendous source of support to me over the past few months - not only through your kind comments here, but through your own posts. I have in particular learnt a great deal from Luna's wise and astute writing. And this is why, at this particular moment, I feel so powerless. I can find no words of comfort to offer her.
It strikes me that society in general isn't particularly comfortable with grief. Mourning is seen as something that should be hurried through as quickly as possible - 'coming to terms' and 'moving on' are seen as the ultimate goals for the recently bereaved.
And yet in our little community, it seems that grief is always just around the corner. And so perhaps all any of us can do is to acknowledge each individual loss, and to sit and mourn quietly with those whose hopes and dreams are not now going to come to fruition. Phrases like 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm thinking of you' may not seem much, but out here in the blogosphere, all we have is words.