Thursday, 17 January 2008

Third appointment - at which I am proved right, shit does happen

This morning, I headed back to the Great Big Fertility Clinic for another scan.

After a full week on the Menopur injections, I have managed to produce a sum total of five follicles. On my right ovary, I have two follicles measuring 10-13mm, plus another two measuring 8-10mm. On my left ovary, I have one follicle that is well under 10mm.

We are to go back to the clinic on Saturday morning for another scan, however at the moment our options - as outlined by Dr Approachable, who was wielding the dildo cam this morning - are as follows:

1. They go ahead and retrieve the eggs from the two largest follicles early next week. Given that we were scheduled to do ICSI, which requires fully mature eggs, and there is a further chance that the ICSI process may itself damage a certain percentage of those eggs, the chances of fertilisation look fairly slim.

2. We cancel this cycle owing to my poor response to the stims, and start all over again with a more aggressive protocol in a couple of months.

I did suggest a third option, that we turn this cycle into an IUI, but Dr Approachable pretty much ruled this out owing to Mr H's poor swimmers.

While I sobbed into a tissue, he made all sorts of reassuring noises - my most recent bloodwork showed that my FSH levels were 5.6, which he considers good for my age (I've just turned 36). Based on those results, he told me that there was no need for me to panic about having a diminished ovarian reserve. It was, he suggested, by no means the end of the road for us; next time round, they would simply increase the dose of Menopur.

But I still don't understand why this has happened. Did I do something wrong? Did I administer the injections incorrectly? I've spent the last three and a half weeks pumping myself full of drugs - why didn't my stupid, fucking ovaries respond?

I thought that starting IVF would take us one step closer to having a baby, but that now seems further away than ever. Before today, our problems never seemed insurmountable. I checked out fine; all our difficulties seemed to lie in Mr H's wonky sperm. ICSI would, we thought, enable us to bypass that particular problem. We weren't naive enough to think that it would work first time round, but we did think that eventually it would. 'Maybe it'll take us two or three cycles,' we told ourselves, 'but we'll get there in the end.'

But now we're facing an entirely new and unexpected problem. The door hasn't exactly been slammed in our face, but I do have a sense that it's drawing slowly shut, and right now it seems that there is very little I can do to stop it.


Malloryn said...

I am very sorry to hear this, particularly after all you've been through to get to this stage. It must be so hard for you.

Frenchie said...

Hi I just found your blog via the Lost and Found.

I'm sorry to hear about this canceled cycle. I'm sure "frustrating" doesn't even begin to cover it.

The Town Criers said...

Sweetie, I'm so sorry. This really sucks. Is there a way to switch stims too for next time or a reason he wants you on Menopur?

Lisa Rullsenberg said...

Hold fast hon, both of you, I can only echo everyone else's sentiments and hopefully you'll get an improved chance on the next cycle. I really wouldn't blame yourself, even though - as happens so often - it feels like the only thing to do. Keep asking questions of the doctors, be clear about what's happening and why. Don't lose hope.

Meghan said...

I'm sorry, I can't even imagine how frustrating that must be. And I know it's hard not to, but please don't blame yourself. This might not have been the right meds dosage or combo for you. It sucks that so much of this is trial and error on the drs part....but it is NOT your fault.

Sending you lots of hugs

luna said...

ms. h, I am so so sorry for the bad news. the good news is this can be completely corrected with a more aggressive protocol. still sucks now though. I agree with mel, is there a reason he wants you on menopor (would he just increase dosage)? follistim worked really well for me.

how bad are mr. h's swimmers? is it a count/motility issue or a morph issue? I ask because we had poor morph issues but good counts so still some good swimmers and I got pg once before w/o ICSI. if all hope is not lost for this cycle, I might want to convert to IUI just for the chance...

good luck and again I'm sorry.

Kim said...

I second what Meghan said - sometimes there is some trial and error in getting the right combination of meds to get a better number of follicles.
I'm so sorry, I know another delay feels like a huge setback. But it's still just the first try - still lots of reason for hope.

Anonymous said...

My first cycle was converted to IUI due to poor response. Personally, I think it's cuz I was suppressed too much. I'm getting ready to do IVF#1 redo. It's the toughest decision to make - do I go for it or convert or cancel/convert to IUI and hope for a better shot next time? If we were all movie stars and had tons of money, of course we would all go for it. Just hope that they'll get it right next time with your meds (i.e. skip the lupron, if you are on it). BTW, compared to me, you are pretty dang young at 36 (I'm 41). I think I've learned not to buy into all the negativity of numbers. It's a slippery slope...