Something entirely unexpected has happened, which I am strangely reluctant to write about - it feels almost as if saying it out loud may jinx it.
By the end of last week, I was anxiously awaiting the arrival of my period: the plan was that I would ring the clinic when it arrived, so that we could start a natural cycle FET. I normally have a 26 day cycle. Day 26 came and went, with no sign of my period. It didn't show up over the weekend, although I did experience some on and off cramping. We went out to lunch on Sunday, when I noticed Mr H staring admiringly at my chest. "Is it me, or are your breasts bigger than usual?" he asked. When I came to think about it, they were feeling pretty tender.
Late period, cramping, sore breasts... the idea popped into my head, but I dismissed it. I know you hear about women who suddenly get pregnant without medical intervention even after several failed cycles of IVF, but that's just an urban infertility myth isn't it? "I'm sure it's just this top," I told my husband. "Now, what are you having for your main course?"
I began to roll the possibility over and over in my mind. At first, I was too scared to test: I was convinced that it would be negative, and I just wanted - however briefly - to enjoy the fantasy that we had somehow managed to beat the odds and conceive spontaneously, before my period arrived and all my hopes came crashing down.
But by Tuesday my period was five days late. And so I took a deep breath and POASed. Straight away a line showed up in the 'pregnant' window. I woke Mr H up. "Look at this," I demanded. "It must be a faulty test."
I took another test yesterday morning - again a clear and unambiguous positive. I still couldn't quite believe it, so phoned up the Great Big Infertility Clinic to demand a beta. The nurse explained to me that it wasn't necessary. Two positive HPTs were proof enough. But what if my HCG levels aren't rising, I asked. What if I'm about to miscarry? What if it's ectopic? Should I perhaps start the progesterone pessaries? She explained that, given that I had conceived spontaneously, my body should be producing all the hormones it needed to sustain the pregnancy. "Just try to relax and not to worry too much," she added.
But I have been here before. I am all too aware of just how abruptly these things can come to an end. I feel as though the rug could be pulled out from under my feet at any moment. And so I'm not going to jump up and down screaming hysterically about my 'big fat positive'. Instead, I'm going to hold my breath and wait very quietly until I go for my first scan on 27 August.