Today, we got up at 5.30am in order to do what I like to term the early morning Dildocam Dash.
As we walked the long, lonely walk down the corridors of the hospital to the Great Big Infertility Clinic, Mr H wondered how many times in total we'd walked that walk. Sitting in the waiting room, flicking unseeeingly through a magazine, I thought back to all the other times I'd sat on those sofas. I thought about how I'd started out on this particular journey with such high expectations, and how those expectations had rapidly spiralled downwards following two poor responses to stimulation, a polyp and a diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve. My dates with the dildocam generally have not yielded positive results, and I worried about all that could have gone wrong this time round. Thoughts of a missed miscarriage swirled round and round in my head.
Eventually, the nurse called me in to see Dr Approachable, who was wielding the dildocam this morning. The heartbeat is still going strong, and the foetus has tripled in size over the past fortnight to 1.84cm in length. Based on my last period, I am currently 8 weeks and 1 day pregnant, however the foetus is measuring in at 8 weeks 3 days.
Afterwards, we had a brief conversation as to why this entirely unexpected pregnancy might have happened. Dr Approachable reckoned that it was all down to the removal of the polyp, and quoted various journal articles in support of his theory. I explained that I thought that it was thanks to the Chinese Fertility Goddess. Dr A conceded that acupuncture could be helpful in encouraging patients to relax. "Come on, Dr Approachable," I retorted. "If all any of us needed to do was relax, then surely you'd be out of a job?!?"
But then it was time for us to leave. "You will send us a picture in seven months time, won't you?" asked Dr Approachable, as he shook our hands.
And so I appear to have graduated from the Great Big Infertility Clinic. From now on, I will receive standard NHS antenatal care.
But, as we walked away down the corridor, I realised that, even though I may have left the Great Big Infertility Clinic behind me for the time being, it is a lot harder to leave behind the feelings associated with being infertile.