Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Graduation day

Today, we got up at 5.30am in order to do what I like to term the early morning Dildocam Dash.

As we walked the long, lonely walk down the corridors of the hospital to the Great Big Infertility Clinic, Mr H wondered how many times in total we'd walked that walk. Sitting in the waiting room, flicking unseeeingly through a magazine, I thought back to all the other times I'd sat on those sofas. I thought about how I'd started out on this particular journey with such high expectations, and how those expectations had rapidly spiralled downwards following two poor responses to stimulation, a polyp and a diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve. My dates with the dildocam generally have not yielded positive results, and I worried about all that could have gone wrong this time round. Thoughts of a missed miscarriage swirled round and round in my head.

Eventually, the nurse called me in to see Dr Approachable, who was wielding the dildocam this morning. The heartbeat is still going strong, and the foetus has tripled in size over the past fortnight to 1.84cm in length. Based on my last period, I am currently 8 weeks and 1 day pregnant, however the foetus is measuring in at 8 weeks 3 days.

Afterwards, we had a brief conversation as to why this entirely unexpected pregnancy might have happened. Dr Approachable reckoned that it was all down to the removal of the polyp, and quoted various journal articles in support of his theory. I explained that I thought that it was thanks to the Chinese Fertility Goddess. Dr A conceded that acupuncture could be helpful in encouraging patients to relax. "Come on, Dr Approachable," I retorted. "If all any of us needed to do was relax, then surely you'd be out of a job?!?"

But then it was time for us to leave. "You will send us a picture in seven months time, won't you?" asked Dr Approachable, as he shook our hands.

And so I appear to have graduated from the Great Big Infertility Clinic. From now on, I will receive standard NHS antenatal care.

But, as we walked away down the corridor, I realised that, even though I may have left the Great Big Infertility Clinic behind me for the time being, it is a lot harder to leave behind the feelings associated with being infertile.

14 comments:

Mrs.X said...

Oh honey, I am so happy for you!!! What a wonderful milestone. May you never, ever have to go back to the Big Infertility Clinic again.

As for no longer being an infertile, that may take some time. But, I think with each passing week that you have a beautiful baby, it will get easier and easier.

All my best!

annacyclopedia said...

So happy for you, Ms. H. May this time of transition be easy and smooth, and may your growing baby help to heal your heart from everything you've been through to get here.

luna said...

great news, ms. h! hope you can try to enjoy these days now.

Malloryn said...

I'm thrilled for you both. I hope you never have to step through those doors again, and that you begin to find joy during this transition. Infertility becomes so confusing, it must be hard to see yourself in a new light.

Deborah said...

Congratulations on graduating from the RE. Here's to being a "normal" pregnant woman. I hope that it will feel that way for you soon, although I can only imagine how tough that is. Best wishes!

Lisa said...

Switching the mindset from infertile to pregnant is tough, but you will get there. Sounds like things are progressing beautifully. Way to go, grad!

Lisa said...

I can't imagine ever leaving those feelings behind, but, congratulations on graduating and leaving the physical manifestation of those feelings!!

s.e. said...

Great news that your little one is growing strong. And you graduated!

I like your reflection and hope your memories of infertility will quickly fade.

bleu said...

Yay for great u/s's and great growth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats on graduating, I bet it is filled with so many mixed emotions.

womb for improvement said...

Fantastic news that it is all going so well.

As someone who is about to have a polyps removed and currently 'enjoying' weekly sessions as a pin cushion I am taking heart in your success all the more.

Shinejil said...

Hip hip hooray for the Heathens!

Meghan said...

Congrats on your graduation!!

and you're right--you never leave some of the feelings behind

J.J said...

Hope this doesn't sound awful but I was so pleased to read you are feeling sick. That is supposed to be a sign of a thriving pregnancy.

the Babychaser: said...

It took me a little while to catch up on your blog. And as I was reading through the posts, I found myself caught between two conflicting emotions: joy at your newfound hope, and fear that I never will experience the same.

Congratulations on graduation day, honey!